You’re sitting with your spouse - finally resting at the end of a long day - and they say, “You know, I was thinking about that Greece trip. When can we start planning?” You feel a knot in your stomach...
You’d like to go to Greece, but you were thinking about redoing the patio. And are you both saving enough for retirement? What about those expensive shoes they just bought…or, they respond, the pricey toy you got for the kids? And so you argue…or quietly worry and never talk about it.
When you first committed to each other, you had a lot of dreams.
Dreaming together is easy, but agreeing on the order of those dreams—which ones get funded first—is where couples get stuck. You’re fortunate that your basic needs are covered, but what about the “extras”? Should you pay down more debt? Build a bigger emergency fund? Travel more? Fix the house? Spend more on the kids?
These conversations are not easy. So as a Financial Butler, I did what I love to do: I made a tool to help
In life, you can’t have everything, but you can proactively choose your priorities - together. And don’t worry about being on the same page about every little detail. Even just starting to talk about your priorities will help you spend money with more clarity and less guilt.
We challenge you to grab your partner tonight, pour a glass of wine, and try the tool together. It might even be fun!
Now that you’ve talked about your values, there are three more big steps:
Conduct a “No-Judgement” Budget Audit
There are lots of tools to help you do this…my favorite after trying many is Monarch Money ($50 the first year with this referral code). With this tool, you’ll be able to track a lot of your spending, even going back in time. The rule here is simple: no pointing fingers. The goal isn't to argue, it's simply to get a realistic baseline of your family's lifestyle cost.
Design the Future Together
Using your priorities as a guide, design a new budget that allocates your money to your priorities, and cuts out spending on things you don’t actually value. There will still be hard spots to argue over, but trust me - there are easy wins, too.
Automate the Non-Negotiables
Ensure your critical bills and baseline savings goals happen automatically, often through a separate "bills only" account that everything is paid from. This eliminates debate and frees up precious mental "brainspace."
Want more detail?
I’m a financial guru and my wife and I still have disagreements over our finances. It’s inevitable. That’s why I really appreciate being that neutral third party and a trusted guide to help couples with each of these steps, from dreaming to setting up systems.
And when couples work with me, we go further - I help them understand what I call the Path to Prosperity. It’s a foundational guideline you can use to effectively plan for your today money, tomorrow money, and play money. Often, this helps my clients make more informed decisions about what to prioritize.
I hope the Money Matters Tool for Couples sparks conversation without the stress and spreadsheets. Reach out anytime with questions or more support!
It would be an honor for us to serve you this year.